Foolish Life
by Jpena
Summary: I always wanted to do one of this. I just watched Love Actually again, and being the raging Alan Rickman fan that I am it just wrote itself yesterday evening. Hope you like it, please read and find it in your heart to review. M but not really graphic.


Foolish Life

Karen dried her tears and congratulated her children on a wonderful performance. She put on a brave face. Her children would not see her face crumble. Harry stiffly drove them back home where they had a light dinner and then the children were off to bed. Her husband of sixteen years tried to explain, to excuse his behavior. "Karen I can explain, please listen to me."

She was too hurt, too sad to even think about talking about the future and their marriage. Karen had a definite idea of whom he gave the golden necklace to. It had to be that girl Mia, his new assistant/secretary. She was younger, prettier, charming and slimmer, all that she wasn't. Karen ignored his words and handed him a pillow and went to the cupboard to get some quilts for him. She wiped some treacherous tears and left them on the couch. Karen closed the door of her bedroom. She took a long bath and then chose her comfiest pajamas to sleep in.

Maybe it was her fault, with the years she had gained weight and treated Harry more like a friend than a lover. She cried bitterly and five minutes later punched a pillow. It wasn't her fault, Harry fucking Harry had cheated. He had an affair with what's her name and then pretended to lie to her and keep on a straight face. Since when was he cheating? Did he love Mia? It cut her deeply, the idea that her Harry could love someone else. Her life, her safe, boring but deeply loved life was over. She would never be able to trust Harry again. She cried herself to sleep that night.

The next morning the couple put on their happy faces for the sake of the children. It was an unspoken agreement, the children weren't supposed to know about their rift. They hadn't spoken to each other. Harry had stoically endured her complete and cold silence. The children were none the wiser. On Boxing Day Harry received a call from the higher ups in the company. He was to go to New York the following day and would be in the Big Apple for about three weeks. Their manager had quit unexpectedly and they needed Harry to be there until the new replacement was found. He explained to Karen and she nodded.

"Karen, I don't want to go before we settle things." He said the night before he was to leave. It was the perfect opportunity to air things out. The children were staying over at some sleepover with David.

Karen had almost two days to think about his affair, "We have nothing to settle."

She hadn't said more than those five words. Harry tried to grab her hand but she shook his grip and left the house. She went to Daniel's for advice. She told him everything and Daniel as always comforted her. He didn't offer advice, according to him Karen was the guidance counselor in that friendship. All he said was. "Harry loves you Karen."

She had grimaced and kissed his cheek, "I'm not too sure about that darling." Karen left his apartment and didn't go back home until she knew Harry was off to Heathrow.

In those three weeks Karen meditated, analyzed her situation and came to the inevitable solution that her marriage as she knew it was over. There wouldn't be more confidences, no more late night talks and complaints about her body image or snacks in bed. Harry betrayed her trust. She thought about divorce but it wouldn't be fair for the children. She couldn't put her children through the ordeal that was having two homes, two sets of caregivers and perhaps even stepmothers and half siblings. She also didn't want to entertain the idea of not seeing Harry.

He called every night and talked to the children but when it was time for them to speak she would say goodnight and hang up. Her emotions were jumbled and in immediate need of sorting. Karen didn't wallow in self pity. She took more activities and helped even more when the school asked her to be part of organizing events.

When Harry returned things hadn't improved one bit. They had a civil conversation in the airport and then went home. As always Karen put on a happy face, it wasn't so hard since she was happy that Harry was back home but she couldn't deny the fact that it hurt to look into his hazel eyes.

That night they waited until the children were asleep and finally Karen served two cups of tea and they sat in the living room, facing each other like so many other nights.

Harry looked tense and for the first time Karen confronted the situation. "Do you love her?" That simple four letter word question gnawed at her for three weeks.

He replied resolutely, "No."

Karen nodded, "why?"

Harry put the cup aside and looked at her in the eyes. "I was a fool. I don't know; here was this young woman insinuating things and I was confused for about three minutes and ended up making the biggest mistake of my life."

Karen swallowed and with a small and afraid voice asked. "Did you sleep with her?"

"No, I just gave her that necklace. I'm so very sorry. She's transferred to another branch." Harry rubbed his nose and put his glasses aside. He was still very handsome, attractive, charming in his own sarcastic way while she was older, shapeless and her dry wit was lost on a lot of people.

She remained silent, waiting for him to give the rest of the story. The guilt was slowly killing him; he would speak and tell her with details all he'd done. It was how he worked, how he was wired. If there was somebody she knew it was Harry, she cringed, how wrong had she been. He didn't know him at all.

"For about five seconds I wanted to be with her but I didn't." He said honestly trying to keep the desperate edge off his voice.

The anger built again. "So you didn't fuck her because I caught you." He looked perplexed and quickly recovered.

"No, I was never going to. What I told you last Christmas was true. I am a classic fool, in the wrong, I didn't do it Karen." He exploded and his face was full of regret.

She breathed deeply, "the kids can't know about this." Harry nodded. "Karen, I love you. I don't want to lose you."

She ignored his pleads and continued. "We'll keep all appearances in front of the children and continue with our life."

He looked hopeful then. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you." He didn't say much after that and they both went to bed. The air had been cleared. Karen knew the extent of the truth and the betrayal still stung her deeply. Harry seemed resigned to accept her requirements without any complaints.

They lead the same life in front of the children, it helped that Daisy and Bernie were occupied with different extracurricular activities and were not little anymore. Karen and Harry didn't talk to each other. She spent all of her free time with Daniel. He had been her rock and support. She was very happy for him since he was embarking in a new relationship. Karen and Harry barely interacted and all their talks revolved around their children. Gone were the complicity, the friendship and the camaraderie. She didn't tell him about her day or that she started writing again. He came home late and she barely noticed, it was as if she didn't care anymore and Harry tried did he try. He tried to talk to her, to patch things over but Karen was resolute to not forgive him.

The suspicions of him having an affair resurfaced again. This time she decided to confront him at once. It was six months after Christmas. Daisy and Bernie were off with Sam and Daniel for the weekend. She asked her friend to give her an excuse to be alone with Harry. Daniel had been giddy. "I knew you would come around Karen. He loves you I know he does." Karen had smiled sadly, "Yes darling, I'm going to give him another chance." Lies, she had decided to end this charade. She couldn't live like this anymore, resenting him and she wouldn't forgive another infidelity.

Harry came home late, as always and Karen waited in the bedroom. She wore her comfortable pajamas and waited, there was no point on staying dressed for the conversation ahead.

She heard the door opening and looked up to see Harry enter the bedroom. "Who is she?"

He looked puzzled, "What the bloody hell are you talking about?" He said angrily and looked at her. His anger fed hers and she stood up.

"You're having an affair again." She said and grew angrier when he had the gall to laugh.

"You're bloody insane. That's what you are." He shook his head and proceeded to undo his shirt buttons. Karen wouldn't take any more offenses.

"You've already proven untrustworthy once." Karen spat the words out, meaning to wound.

He paled and she expected him to shrink and walk away. She was wrong Harry didn't back down, "I didn't cheat."

"You almost did, if I hadn't caught you, I know you would have." Karen looked at him directly in the eyes.

"I wouldn't have. I love you Karen, I was foolish yes but I wouldn't have." Harry pleaded once again.

Karen wanted to believe him but she couldn't. Suddenly Harry sat down and she sat down next to him. "We can't keep like this. It isn't working." She said tiredly and felt a shock when he held her hand.

"I've already lost you, haven't I?" He said mournfully and kissed her hand. It had been months since he touched her. The damned spark was still there, she was still deeply in love with her husband and it was obvious when he uttered the following words, "I'll move my things out by tomorrow. I only ask you to wait a few months before Daniel moves in." She was too shocked to say anything and was even more shocked when he kneeled before her and cried. For the first time Harry cried in front of her, he hadn't cried, not since Bernie's birth when they almost lost him.

She looked at his tear streaked face and saw how much he hurt. Karen hugged him then and cried. They sobbed together and he rubbed her back, she carded his fingers through his hair and once they were both silent they looked at each other, blue met hazel and it was her who touched his cheek and kissed his lips first. He tasted just like she remembered, of strong tea and Harry.

She kissed the side of his mouth and he made one of those maddening little sounds that she loved. She wanted him but did he want her, once again her insecurities and his transgressions tormented her. Harry didn't seem to notice or care. He kissed the side of her neck and pushed her to their bed. He kneaded her dreaded bottom. She complained for months on how big it was and it seemed he couldn't get enough of it. She kissed him again and undid his buttons. She wanted to see him naked again. Harry bunched her shirt up and kissed her stomach, he moaned with pleasure when she kissed his earlobe. Karen sat up and moved his glasses of his face. He looked at her with lust; it had been a long time since she saw that look from his eyes. He desired her and the knowledge infused her with power.

Karen received his desperate kisses and kissed him back with the same desperation. She didn't know when her pajamas got to the floor but she was naked under him and he muttered something against her breasts, "I've missed you dear." She helped him with his trousers and boxers and he was just as naked as she was. They were older, the skin wasn't as firm as it had been seventeen years ago when they first made love but Karen felt the same lust for him. She remembered that night; it had been after the first date. She had wanted him since she met him at that pub, and after that they couldn't stay away from each other. Harry ended up proposing when she told him that she had a date with a coworker.

Harry kissed her and pushed her leg over his hip. He knew how to move inside of her, how to make her wild with lust. She shivered when his fingers toyed with her nipples, and moved slowly inside of her. This wasn't their regular and boring but effective sex encounters. Harry made love to her like he needed her, like she was the sexiest woman he'd ever been with. He rammed into her powerfully and breathlessly repeated that he loved her and to please forgive her.

Karen contracted around him triggering his orgasm. Harry fell on her and she welcomed the heat and his body. He kissed her softly; she hugged him and kissed his neck. There were no more tears, she hurt but she understood that Harry hurt too and she wanted their friendship back. "Don't move out, stay with me." She crossed her legs over his hips. Harry looked at her. "What about Daniel?"

Karen looked confused, "What about him?"

Harry looked stricken again, "You're having an affair with him." Harry moved away from her and sat down, he couldn't face her. Karen kissed his back. "He's my oldest friend and yes, I've been around him a lot because he's my only friend."

Harry hugged her, "I'm so sorry love. I'll do anything to have us back." Karen didn't trust him completely yet, but they were going to try. She didn't want to leave him, she couldn't do it. She still loved him and she was going to try.


End file.
